There are too many brilliant & hilarious Onion stories to retweet them all, let alone blog about them. But this one, a masterpiece of “it’s funny because it’s true”, deserves extra attention. Plus, it has too many great quotes for 140-character limits.

Without further ado: Internet Users Demand Less Interactivity.

Speaking with reporters, web users expressed a near unanimous desire to visit a website and simply look at it, for once, without having every aspect of the user interface tailored to a set of demographic information culled from their previous browsing history.

“I don’t want to take a moment to provide my feedback, open a free account, become part of a growing online community, or see what related links are available at various content partners.”

“I don’t want to know where other people are, I don’t want them to know where I am, and I definitely don’t want it all to be tracked by a website that pits us against each other to see who can share our locations the most. Frankly, it doesn’t make any sense why that would ever appeal to anyone.”

“Nobody needs to get my immediate take on everything I see online,” said Atlanta printing consultant Deirdre Levinson, questioning the merits of any site that, without knowing her level of intelligence or expertise in a particular topic, would deem her worthy enough to engage in a discussion. “And they’re sorely mistaken if they believe I could actually add something of value to the conversation.

If you’re thinking I’ve quoted the whole thing, you’re wrong. Read the whole thing. Learn it. Love it. Live it.