McSweeney’s: The White Hand of Saruman Will Be Given Only to Uruk-hai Who Subscribe to SaruBlue

Starting April 15, the White Hand of Saruman will only be given to Uruk-hai who pay subscription to SaruBlue. You do not know pain, you do not know fear, and you will taste man-flesh, all for just $8 a month…

Bearers of my White Hand will also have prioritized access to smelling whether a city is rank with fear and will be given a headstart on staining the land with the blood of Rohan. Additionally, White Hand-verified subscribers will be boosted and made more visible to the Eye of Sauron.